I am about to embark on my second semester in Circle in the Square.

As if I am about to do a scene for one of my classes... I must tell the audience of how I am feeling at the current moment:

1. My heart is beating fast.
2. Energy is low as if a huge weight is on me.
3. It's hard to breathe because I am afraid to leave a place where I am most comfortable.
4. My focus is shot and I can't seem to concentrate on what needs to be done.

I honestly don't care too much about the people I am about to go back to... and perhaps that is what is stopping me from WANTING to go back to New York.  I reflect back on my experiences at Soka and I have always wanted to go back there because I feel like I have someone to go back to.  People whom I call friends.  Friends... whom I have taken for granted of their friendship.

I wish I can undo this feeling. This feeling of apathy... But even though I can't change how I feel, I will change my attitude because in fact, despite it being cold, grungy and very often lonely, New York is where my ever beating heart... my dream to inspire and move people, lies...Pounding loudly, begging me to come back so I can call forth my courage to banish away the negative thoughts I have about the school and the people... No, my fellow company members whom I have to die for...for the sake of an art I have given my whole being for.

I cannot give into my weak tendencies... I must trust my abilities more... I must. MUST trust myself.