This is a relationship....

Yesterday, I had another breakthrough... It is true what they say about your first year that this is a journey to you, finding out who you are.

So in Acting Technique (we do a lot of exercises that stem from Lee Strasbourg's technique but we are definitely not doing method), we started on personal objects.  We had to go into relaxation and conjure up an item that you owned seven years+ ago.  Our teacher told us to let the the object come to us and not try to pre plan the exercise.  Seven years ago, I would have been in tenth grade and I am not ready to explore that right now, so I decided to go a little further down memory land, all the way back to my middle school days.  A couple items came up, a memory box... my purple i-zone camera... and then my teal silk scarf came to mind. 

I haven't thought about that scarf in the longest time so, it was fun "feeling", "tasting", and "seeing it.  It wasn't after I finished the exercise I felt the aftermath of the object.  In middle school I used to be the ugliest thing (or at least I felt like that) and we also had to wear uniforms.  I wanted to be different from my counterparts, so I used to wear this particular teal scarf every day to school, like the girls did in the 50's.  I guess it was my way of deflecting any mean comments boys or girls had to say about my pimples or buck teeth.  

As I was telling this story to my classmates, my teacher wanted to bring my attention to how I alive I was when I was describing my personal item.

Then it just finally clicked... Was I suppose to use my relaxation and sense memory to help me bring some life into my text?   It seems so simple... but like I said before... teachers at my school sometimes withhold information so we could form our own judgements. 

I know this is the weirdest fear to have but I am scared of my monologue and text work.  The fear of dropping a line, damaging the playwright's work... That I am not good enough to say them!  I AM THE SILLIEST GIRL ALIVE.  

So, I decided it's like being in a relationship, you have to work at it full time- night and day.  Practice into it's in your body and then use these techniques to give it color.  There is nothing to be afraid of.  

Hahaha...remember acting is fun! 

Right... I don't want to undermine my emotions but this is such a silly fear... and I have been stressing over this for a couple days now and it's been putting me into a bad mood.  

I am an actress, shake it off and love yourself.